I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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