Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
