I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize