You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
