Whoa Z and x make the same sound
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
