i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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