Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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