we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
