DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
