You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
