okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
