I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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