there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
