For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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