sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
