We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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