Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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