it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
