You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish they made helmets for livers.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
