I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize