you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
