so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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