You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just tell him i said nine months
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
