Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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