i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
