hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
