it hurts more in the daytime
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
