he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
