Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
