I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
