Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
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I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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