tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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