do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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