If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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