I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Found your dick twin last night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
