Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
