I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
