she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
