I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
