You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Someone signed my nipple.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
