brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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