I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
