Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
