When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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