So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
