When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
