Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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