so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize