I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
