You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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