I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize