At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
