Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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