real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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