question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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