Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
