his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
