Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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