You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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