You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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