I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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