i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
