i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
