I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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