I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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