Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
