Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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