Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
