If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
