hotel room ftw
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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