would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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