i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
