i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
