well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
