Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
