buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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