this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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