you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
