I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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