Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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