I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's never too late to be topless.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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