SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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