"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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