i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
