we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
