Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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