Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
