He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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