So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
