So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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