Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
